Hi ladies, how are you all? Hope life and health is treating you all good. I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I would really like to hear some advice regarding Ex versus food. (My boyfriend’s Ex… Not my Ex) I used to be on the right track with my weight by doing a lot of martial arts. After a bad car accident b/c of a reckless drunk driver… Total my new car & left me back pain. I had to stop being active for awhile. Now I’m just overweight and now trying to get back on track.

It is very hard going back being active and healthy but I am trying hard, so far so good. But not emotionally b/c I tend to compare myself to other people which make it worse… Sometimes… it becomes a motivation to work harder, sometimes it become the worse thing and it bugs me sooo much, I eat JUNK FOOD to make me feel better… but I know in actuality it is BAD BAD BAD for my health.

My current boyfriend is very supportive of me taking care of my health. But sometimes being around his friends and family… I hate the fact that they compare me to his Ex girlfriend b/c she was SKINNY!!! It does hurt… People can be soooo sallow in this world. Everything is all about appearance. Sometimes… I go to the GYM and work really hard b/c it is my motivation… at times.. I just eat it off. I really don’t know what should I do? Tell them to mind their own business and stop comparing me b/c everybody is different?? Sigh…
How can I stop comparing myself and be positive? I tell myself all the time…. over and over… I want to be healthy and look good for myself not for anybody else… But it is really hard…. Any thoughts??

Hey there, I aint a lady, but I know what it feels like for people to compare me to someone else, and it does hurt. Have you told your boyfriend how you feel about all of this, that you find it hurtful when his friends and family compare you to his ex girlfriend. If you havn't then I would bring it up, if he cares for you, then he should respect you and ask his friends and family to stop the comparing. If you have and it still goes on, I would bring it up again. If he doesn't do anything about it, then I would face them directly, and say to them the way you feel.

This is something that distracts you from getting on with you life and at the end of the day, it shouldn't be happening. I'm not saying do anything drastic by breaking up with your BF but, you shouldn't have to feel this way because of disrespectful people.

The world is full of shallow people, especially in the last 5 years or so in my experience (living in the UK). It's all about looks before the persons personality, and personally I'm rather sick of it. But, if you can find a small amount of people that are there for you, who love you, care for you, and trust you. Then things get better. I for one will be here for anyone who needs the help and respect.

About the part where your comparing yourself to others. I think this is something that everyone does at one stage or another. I know I compare myself to many people that I see. Sometimes it motivates me, other times it doesn't. But over time, I've found that it has motivated me even more, and I rarely gouge out on cheat foods anymore because of this reason.

Alot of people say that the best motivation comes from yourself. Here are a few links that may help you with motivation, im also sure the other guys can help, as im new to all of this I've still got alot to learn.

5 Tips To Keep A Positive Mental Attitude

Mental Muscle - The First Muscle To Train Is Your Mind

Fitness Adaptability - Allowing Change For Diet & Exercise Success

8 Ways To Stay Motivated During Workouts

Tuning Your Body - Increase Awareness & Become Physically Tuned

Believe In Yourself & Attain Your Fitness Goals

I havn't read these as of yet, but I hope you find them helpful! I shall read them today for myself actually. I also find that motivation from others can help too, if others see changes in you physically and mentally, then its a real motivator!

Another way I keep myself motivated, is by having a written diet plan and workout routine. This way, I know what I should be eating at certain times, and there is less chance of me cheating. The only thing left for me is if and when I get depressed, thats usually the main factor that breaks me down, and as of yet, I havn't found a way to get around that, so I cannot give any advice, but hopefully, which some research I can get over this, and help others out with this issue too.

Well, thats about it from me so far, I hope this has helped you, even if just a little bit! The main thing is to stay focused, and believe in yourself. I believe in you with all my heart, because I know how you feel. Don't let anything stop you from leading you to your goals. I know it may be hard to hear at the moment, and words are an easy thing to say, but this is what I believe, just keep saying it to yourself, nothing can stop me, you can do it, stay positive. And over time, you may find it helps you!

Good luck

Peace and Love!

I cant help but think of the old saying...sticks and stones may break my bones......well..thats a bunch of crap.....names hurt so much more.......at least until you can learn to love yourself. You can loose al the weight you want...but until YOU change the way You see yourself...I dont think anyone else will. You must...must...must..be proud of yourself for who you are...for the changes you want to make in your life......there is another little song that pops in my head here.....accentuate the positive....eliminate the negative.

Being thin is not the answer to all of your problems. If you dont fix how you feel about yourself....you will find that even after you loose the weight...there will still be something else......we can always find something to compare ourselves to to make us feel completly out in left field..all alone. Be proud of who you are.....you cant be everybody elses best....but you can be YOUR best.....and thats all that matters.

One more thing.....you can do nothing about others insecurities...and most times...these insucurities are taken out on other people...in this case you....Surround yourself with people that will help lift your spirits....not drag you down to the sad place they are.

Belief in yourself is paramount. Good physical wellbeing cannot be obtained doing some weights, cardio and food management regimen, there has to be a good mental and emotional balance too.

You need to believe in yourself as a person. You need to recognise your own self worth, and you need to realise that life is going to throw you these things, but it's how you learn to hit the curve balls that counts, and if you stand there and miss, or stand there and just allow life to hit you, with balls you get thrown, it will hurt.

You need to realise you're not second best, his ex is, because he is with you now not her, and if he ever tells you it's not working, and ends it, (I hope it doesn't happen), he will become second best not you, for not making it work properly, and not realising what sort of person I believe you probably are.

He needs to be told how you feel. You need to have trust in a relationship, if you don't tell him, it looks like you don't trust him to deal with it poperly, like he'll forget to say anything to family, or just act like you're paranoid, or need a thicker skin.

So he needs to know how you feel, as telling his family will make him feel, you couldn't tell him, and couldn't trust him to handle it, and that might be seen as a betrayal of trust, and lack of confidence or faith in him, to protect and defend your feelings and wishes.

The flip side of the coin is, you use what's being said to your advantage. Do you really want people comparing you to some skinny sort he's not even with anymore. He's with you for reasons, and if he wanted skinny real bad, he would see any physical flaws in you as a turnoff, which he clearly doesn't. He clearly knows whatever slight human flaws you have, (and we all have them), compared to his Ex, there's more pros than cons, and he's gotten a better choice of person to be with, I.E. you.

You have to want good physical condition for you though, not him or anyone else, and their comments on the flipside could be used to your advantage like I said.

Use the comments as a way of showing them, you can be the sort of person she was physically, but you're going to do it better, and coupled with your human traits, you're going to be head and shoulders above her in every department.

Use the comments as fuel for your fire, make it your goal to look potentially better than she did, and give the critics the shut your mouth they need. Actions speak louder than words, so if you work hard and make the right choices, you could eclipse any kind of look the Ex had, and then the crtitics wil have to shut up, or better still compare you to her as being far superior, not just for looks and condition, but possibly for talents, domestic skills, brains etc etc

What would they do if you looked killer, say oh you probably just had some slimming pills, or starved yourself thin, so what?

I doubt it, and even if they refused to accept your results as hard work, not stupid, unhealthy, or expensive workarounds, that celebrities, or emotionally confused teenagers use to get slim, just say well we'll see if what I did was stupid, when I'm still doing it and feeling great in 30-40 years, and you're all getting up each day, complaining of bad knees, and bad backs etc etc.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, so for every putdown, logically there must be a comeback, in this case either verbally or physically.

Are you going to let them say this, or are you going to take away their reason to compare you?

Work hard, eat right, and give people like us your feedback on your progress, so we can make sure you're getting the right sort of critique for you, and you are being looked after emotionally and mentally by likeminded people.

I would be proud to see you come back here, and tell me how much they looked uncomfortable, or spoke in other ways about you, when they saw you looking killer for the first time.

This is your life, but ultimately your body. No matter what they say or shouldn't say, you need to see the value in you, and the potential in you, make it happen, not just for now, but for the long-term, because whatever you don't do today, in 30-40 years, might come back to bite you when it's too late.

I am sure ou are capable of so much.

Don't be afraid to slip up sometimes, and don't fear yourself or failure. Be strong, chin up, and walk tall okay.

You CAN do this, and you know you can.

GOOD LUCK, and anytime you need more words that's what we're here for, we will look after your emotional and mental sides too

Thank you everybody for your kind & motivating words. I really appreciated.

I did confront my boyfriend regarding how I feel and he is totally supportive!
We met when I was in shape but after my accident and his late night craving for fast food…. I just let my health fly away!

About family and friends… They slowly stop comparing me and his EX!
But their words still haunt me inside and stuck there. But I know, I should move on and use that as a motivation to work harder.

A positive event:

I weighted 183 in August and had a big reality check when I had a hard time breathing. From there on, I started to change my eating habits and started to exercise. By November I was 168 pounds. It felt sooooooo freaking good on Thanksgiving when I saw all of them again and everybody thought I lost over 25 pounds…. Everybody was surprise how different I looked.

I just thought I’ll share that with you guys… B/c that was the one time I actually felt my hard work paid off. And with all your motivation, I want to keep on working hard and try my best NOT to compare myself… It’s hard sometimes.. BUT I know I can do it…. I will keep my chin up!

When I have more time… I will post my journal in this forum so I can get inputs of my daily plans. Once again... THANK YOU ALL… you made my Christmas so happy and positive!

Aww, good luck with everything! You can do it!!!!

Hi there, didnt think there would be much girls who are into weight lifting, but you lot proved me wrong .

I started lifting to strengthen my knee because I have osgood schlatters disease in my left knee, but now I do it just because its fun!

I'll gladly lend support to anyone who needs it, dont rely on me for advice though as ive only been lifting since August .

There's actually quite a lot of females who weightlift, and some go onto compete, in things like Bodybuilding, Fitness, Figure, Powerlifting and Strongwoman contests.

Though for the benefit of the individuals health, yes there is quite a large amount of women these days who do.

I'm sorry to hear you have Osgood Schlatters. It's something I've heard of before, but know little about. I'm glad you enjoy your lifting though, and although your condition may have been a major influence in your training habits, I'm glad you find enjoyment out of it, and it benefits your life.

No worries about giving advice. Giving support isn't always about the help you give, but the things you say. A few words of comfort are just as valued as a piece of advice, so I'm sure you'll be a great asset to this board and its members.

Good luck to you .

I didnt think I'd get such a warm reception lol, thanks Boss.

Welcome aboard Tock! Hope you enjoy your stay, good luck with the lifting !

Welcome Tock. I'm not much of a weightlifter, just starting out myself and finding motivation hard. But we're all here to support each other. Good luck on your endeavors.

Good to see you back again Sara, and whatever motivation you need I'm sure you'll find it here. We try to cater for peoples emotional and mental needs too, so training is made a little easier to succeed at .

I think it's just that making it a habit is what's so difficult. But I'm still working at it. I'll get there yet, it'll just take some time.

Keep at it Sara i'm sure you'll get into it.

WELCOME Tock, Good luck with all your goals...oh and never doubt yourself...the info that you have to offer...or your ability to do so. I think you will be surprised at just how much help and support you will be able to provide, if thats what you want to do.
Glad to have you hear